An example being death.
Its an inevitability, however its something that can happen at any given moment. I was driving in the rain today and ploughed through a puddle i couldn't see. I swerved to the side of the road - that could have been a lot worse than just making me look drunk to other drivers. I could have lost control. Ended up in a ditch, froze to death, or could have gone just from the impact of a tree. It's simple. There are so many ways and we just don't know.
As the daughter of a cancer survivor (fingers crossed), I have the outlook on life that we should be living every moment like our last.
However I have that outlook in the hypocritical sense - meaning if I died tomorrow I wouldn't be happy with my today, or my yesterday. My last days would have been just like any other, worthless.
And that's something I'd love to change - its a big part of why my future is so unclear right now. I'm scared shitless of making the wrong decision and regretting it.
A fucking UFO could fall out of the sky tomorrow morning, I could have a near miss and end up paralysed, unable to do anything physical ever again. It could fall directly on top of me - there goes Chloe flat as a pancake.
I'd be forgotten quickly, which doesn't bother me much. That's not the issue. The issue is that, if hypothetically I 'lived on' - say there's an afterlife or an unfinished business kind of scenario - I would absolutely hate myself because it would be too late to do the things I want to do most. Travel, have good relationships with people, do something different. Anything.
And similarly if I lost someone close to me I'd hate the fact that we'd never be able to do the things we said we'd do together.
This stuff pops into my head sometimes. I thought I'd write it all down just for the hell of it - maybe it worries you too and I'm not just someone weirdly hung up on death? Hmm
I'll leave you with a song anyway. An Ed Sheeran song of course - not my favourite artist but the song speaks my words.
Plus my favourite song every that makes me ball my eyes out. Every. Time.
Because why the fuck not?
