2013.

So the world didn't end in 2012, which meant that 2013, which was never supposed to happen (excuse me while I laugh my arse off), should have been good. And it was. 

With the end of the year coming up, and the beginning of 2014 nigh, I thought I'd take this opportunity to go through everything positive that has happened this year. To be honest, this has been one of my more memorable and interesting 365 day periods, so I want to share that. Quite a few of the 'good' things aren't actually that good, but they're firsts and so that, to me, is a good thing.

1. First Job

          And my second actually - that one only lasted for a few weeks though because I prefer the first one. Which leads me onto:

2. Quit my First Job

          Which was actually the second job, I'm still in the first.

3. Fencing

          I came 2nd in my county twice. One of those times qualified me to go to the British Youth Championships, where I came 23rd or something in my category. Quite an achievement for an unsporty person. 

4. Driving

          I passed my driving test on the 8th August, and so far I haven't crashed. The worst thing that has happened so far is that someone scraped the entire left side of my car, and my friend bumped the back corner as well - neither of which I was there for, and neither of which matter anymore because I also got a new car a month or so ago. 

5. Adulthood

          In September I turned 18. So now I'm legally an adult - I can drink, move out, get married, buy fireworks and explosives, buy knives, scissors, tipp-ex. You name it, I can probably buy it now. Yay.

6. Friends

          Through work, I've made a really close friend. A recent but really good thing to happen this year. 

7. Unrequited Love

          So its not love. But this year for the first time ever a guy actually said that they liked me and 'wanted to be with me'. Unfortunately I honestly thought he was gay and so obviously didn't find him attractive, due to the fact that I am female, so politely declined. And had to do so twice more because he didn't get the idea. So that was fun. But it was a first so it goes in the List. 

There's probably other things too but they aren't popping into my head at the moment, which says to me that they're not worth the List. 

How was your 2013?

I'm guessing that as 2013 was so good, 2014 is going to be shit. Which is unfortunate for me as this is the year I am finishing my A-levels, applying to university, leaving home etc etc. I kind of need those things to go well...

I Don't Want To Hear It.

So I'm currently sat in a free period at school (or college, sixth form, whatever you may want to call it), and as usual, the obnoxious 'popular' group (by popular I mean the ones who think everyone loves them) have the radio on. 

This is fair enough. I don't mind if they want to listen to the radio, however I can also hear it, which is annoying when I actually want to work and can't due to the noise. 

But I can deal with that. I can handle a little radio. 

What I can't deal with is when they sing full blast, and tunelessly too, I might add, to the horrendous Christmas songs they're playing these days. 

And then an old 90s song comes on. 

OF COURSE

Let's turn it up as loud as it possibly goes, sing along and piss off the entire common room. 

Good plan guys. 

Please stop now though.

I'm tired of it. 

Sincerely,

Chloe. 

The Fault In Our Stars.

So I finally gave in to the hype. 

I saw that a friend was reading 'A Fault in our Stars' earlier this week and it reminded me that I'd been meaning to read it. I asked her if she was enjoying it and she eagerly responded that she was and I should definitely read it.

A second friend, known well for the fact that she never reads then walks into the common room holding a Waterstone's bag. She'd gone out to buy both 'The Fault in our Stars' and 'Looking for Alaska', because the first friend already had a waiting list of people to borrow both of these books and she just couldn't wait.

So I decided to join the second friend's waiting list.

Bearing in mind that this friend that does not read managed to finish the entire book within two days. I was shocked.

I acquired the book yesterday morning. And five hours of reading later, I had finished it.

So now I'm on the waiting list for 'Looking for Alaska', which I should get on Monday.

The point of this whole story is that, despite the fact that its a hype-book like twilight or fifty shades or the hunger games, it isn't the same, because its a book that is actually well written, and actually means something.

So the moral of the story here is to read 'The Fault in our Stars', because you will love it, I promise.

Feels Like Christmas.

So its around the halfway point of November (holy crap, where did the year go?), so we're starting to get invites to christmas parties, light switch-ons, deciding names for secret santa and the like.

It's Christmastime.

It a strange time of year for me. I'm not the kind to get crazy into the spirit, I'm not a 'bah humbug' kind of girl but not crazy either. But every now and then, I just feel... Christmassy.

Do you get that feeling?

Where it suddenly dawns on you how close the season is, and the fact that there is ice developing on my car as I type this because of the winter weather, and everything else that signifies winter and Christmas and New Year times.

That's the feeling.

I bought my advent calendar in mid-October so I could get a decent one, instead of a bad-tasting hello kitty or barbie one like as in previous years.

I already have fairy lights in my room all-year round.

But at least they'll be partial decoration in my room before my mother begrudgingly pulls out the actual decorations about a week before Christmas day.

Friendships.

So I’ve never been the best at making friends.

Firstly, I was the army kid, and I didn’t get on with many of the other army kids. I had one friend and she was such a little bitch child that I don’t even remember her name anymore – Lulu or Lala or something along those lines. I had a best friend when I lived in Germany, let’s call her C. We stayed in touch for a few years after I moved away from there, but then lost touch. We’re friends on Facebook now but we don’t say anything to each other, which doesn’t bother me too much because we’re completely different people now – and I mean completely.

After leaving Germany, where I had spent my childhood from 8 months old, starting primary school (PS) in the UK meant making new friends. Awesome. I thought I’d done it, I thought I was accepted into the small year-group’s circle, but apparently not. I was bullied for at least a year, maybe two, until the Headteacher had to get involved and it turned into a huge thing and eventually we were all friends – I don’t think we were ever destined to be true besties though really, it was all primary school pettiness, which turned into pre-teen pettiness.

Cut to Secondary school (SS). The second-in-command bully from PS followed me through to SS, and quite unsurprisingly, by the end of year 6 (the last year of PS), I had grown fed up with her and her shit, but decided that as we only knew each other, I’d put up with her for SS, plus she hadn’t yet clocked onto the fact that she was one of those people that nobody liked.

By the end of year 7 we were mortal enemies.

We’re OK now though, happy to be half-friends but not really friends. It works.

Other than that friend-not-friend, I developed an amazing friendship, which is still going strong even now, six years later. I also developed some relatively good relationships in around year 9 or 10, but most of those have fizzled out now, only a few have lasted and even those people get on my nerves sometimes. But they’re the ‘fun’ ones. You go out with them but don’t share your deep dark secrets. Know the type?

I don’t think it’s just me…

So enter sixth form, new people joining my otherwise-exclusive school, and new opportunities, here I have found three solid friendships. I’m sure I will stay friends with these people well beyond school, but I guess only time will tell.

And thanks to the phenomena we call the ‘Common Room’, I’m also friendly with a great number more people than I ever used to be. I find it easy to talk to around half of my year group (and the other half isn’t even worth it, even half of the half I talk to aren’t really worth it but you know), which makes boring free periods much less of a burden to my brain. These are people I’ve known, or known of for the entire duration of SS and only now I talk to them – it just goes to show that friendships can blossom in the most unlikely of people.

So right now, school-friendships wise, its all working out.

So what about outside of school?

Well until 6 months ago I’d never had a job, and me being the budding socialite I am, I never spoke to anyone fortunate enough to not go to the same school as me. So I only had friends from school.

Did I mention I go to an all-girls’ school? Yeah, well up until a few months ago, girls were my only friends.

I highly dislike girls.

Have you ever noticed how we females are c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e bitches? It’s amazing really, but wow can we bitch and backstab. I’m not going to say I don’t partake in the activity; it’s innate to everything that wears a bra.

Anyway, now that I have a job, I’ve actually started to make friends! Like, real friends that are not from my hell-hole of an educational institution, and actually, that aren’t all bitchin’ females.

It’s great.

Forgive & Forget.

So, you know how I'm in the UAE right now?

Well I'm here because my Dad lives here. I'm visiting my Dad.

But the thing is, this trip is more than just a visit to see him. I haven't had a real relationship or conversation with him for over 3 years. This trip is our chance to get the relationship back, to forgive each other and to move on.

We've had our little heart-to-heart conversation now, it all appears to be water under the bridge, which is great, but this could have happened a lot sooner. You see, I've been contemplating trying to reinitiate contact for a while now, but my mother's idiocy and my own stupid fears got in the way.

But here we are, moving forward.

So my advice to you for today would be to never hold back. Don't be afraid of how you feel, or how other people feel, just go with it, trust your instincts and you'll be ok.

People on a Plane.

Well the flight wasn’t delayed after all; we left slap-bang on time and as I write this, I am cruising at 37,000 ft.

So far there’s only two screaming children, and they seem to have shut up (for now). There’s also some guy next to me who has a friend elsewhere on the plane who keeps migrating our way to have a natter, and managing to give me a really nice face-full of arse (not.). Every time. Not my cup o’tea, I must say. 

Oh god, the kid’s started up again.

Cut to an hour or so later, the guy in front of me, who keeps shaking his chair with laughter, decides to push his chair back as far as possible, giving me no lap space, or place to put my computer (in order to rant about him…). Later, when dinner comes around I have to ask a stewardess to ask him to sit up because I can't at that angle. Stupid douche-bag.

I nudge him with my knee a couple of times prior to being saved, and every single time, he pushes back on the chair. This is a greying man, as far as I can see, playing childish games on board a flight. I just. What is this world?

There’s also a woman across the aisle from seat guy in my direct line of view who just stood up and revealed her thong in his face. I do sort of feel sorry for the guy, but I also had the unfortunate view of her tush, so maybe not. 

The good thing is, though, that bum-in-face guy gave up eventually though; his friend appears to be sleeping.

We’re only 2:47 hrs into the flight as well.

3:44 hrs to go!

3:00 hrs in, and dick-face the seat guy strikes again, after glaring at me. I swear I’m going to hit him in the face. Or dip his fingers in warm water to make him wet his panties. Or something.

4:04 hrs in: Half asleep but struggling to fall into a true slumber, I open my eyes. And low and behold, butt-in-face guy has returned. And with my face turned in towards the aisle to attempt sleep, I feel awkward closing my eyes so close to his derriere, so I have to wait for him to leave after having a good goss with his mate. And then chair guy starts to stir. I am literally trapped between a bum, an imbecile and my sister’s own weird sleeping position.

Eventually I do fall asleep though.

And I wake up just over an hour later, and the lights are on and they’re handing out coffees etc and I can’t help but feel like people keep staring at me. So now I’m feeling self conscious, after spending the last 5 hours judging these people, they’re judging me. Do I snore? Or is there something on my face? What?!

Yeah, I still don’t know,

And I’m sure that some of the stewardesses and people behind me with good eyesight have read snippets of what I am writing right now and hate me.

They all hate me.

And I don’t blame them really.

Because I highly dislike the majority of them too.

5.32 hrs in and butt-in-face guy is back again. 

Good lord.

A Storm Is Nigh.

This afternoon - the calm before the storm.

There have been severe weather warnings throughout Britain over the past couple of days. Apparently some huge storm of a magnitude we've almost never before experienced is coming in in the early hours of Monday morning.

That's now.

I can hear the rain outside.

But here's the kicker - I'm supposed to be catching a flight to Abu Dhabi tomorrow evening. In the aftermath of a storm. By myself, for the first time.

I must say I'm slightly nervous about turbulence or delays or whatever, and I haven't flown in 6 years, which means this is going to be even more difficult.

Are you going to be affected by the storm? Or if you're reading this later, were you affected by it?

I'll let you all know what coms of my airport adventures tomorrow, hopefully they won't be too crazy.

The wind is whirling. The rain is falling.

Shit.

Review: The Edge of Never (J. A. Redmerski)

So, spur of the moment, yesterday I bought this book. I wasn't sure if it was going to be your average 'blah' soppy love story, or if it was going to be a Fifty Shades of Grey copycat style, only with better writing and a lot less cringe (because let's face it, that's not very difficult to achieve).

Basically, I saw this book with an interesting blurb and an offer on it for only £1.99 and I bought it and I have now finished it. I finished it this morning in fact. I think it took me about five hours (not including the needed sleep in between) to finish. So I guess you already know this is going to be a positive review...

The basic storyline is that Camryn, who is extremely down due to reasons I won't spoil for you, meets Andrew. I don't want to spoil anything but I can't really give a good overview without telling you that Cam basically jumps on a bus to nowhere, and along the way Andrew pops in and of course, because this is a love story, they start talking and liking each other and you get the picture. The story starts with them sharing a bus and getting to know each other from a distance, but as they grow closer, they start to experience live on the edge a little, living without plans or expectations or limits. Doing whatever the fuck they want to do, when they want and how they want. That's their pull. Only, there has to be a twist, and its sort of unexpected and sort of expected all at the same time, but its sad and pretty sudden and almost heartbreaking.

The novel is written in the first person, but has chapters from each of the two main characters' point of view, so you get to know both of them on a deep level and love them both, and I mean really love them. The author has somehow managed to play the part of each of these very different yet very similar people, and I, as the reader, found it easy to understand their emotions and read 'between the lines' I guess at the characters' descriptions of events, and how the other is seeing it too. I always love this multiple first person style of writing, particularly if done well, which this really is.

Going back to my expectations of the book (Remember? - cliche vs. Fifty Shades). There is an extremely good balance here. There's some cliche which you cannot possibly avoid in a romance novel, but it isn't done in a cliched fashion, it still feels genuine. There is a good deal of humour, where appropriate (even sometimes where it isn't, but it works), this is the kind of humour that isn't written in black and white for you. You, as the reader, have to 'get it' too, which further helps you to bond with the Cam and Andrew as a couple.

Now here's where the fifty shades part comes in. Yes, there is sex, and it is on the graphic side. However, for me, that's good. I don't like to read a book where the author is too coy to describe anything more than the first kiss in any amount of detail. The sex matters, so it needs to be there, and the way it is written is both beautiful and naughty. But comparing this book to Fifty Shades is wrong. Besides the fact that there's more detail than just the 'and we kissed and lay down and spent the night together' crap, fifty shades is badly written, very cliche and very cringeworthy. Whereas, this is not. So if you're scared, sort of like me, of picking up any book on the shelf that looks vaguely like it might be a part of the Fifty Shades Copycat Author Fan Club, don't be scared of picking this up, because it isn't smutty and it isn't middle aged women's book porn, it's just... good.

The sequel, The Edge of Always is coming out in around two weeks (Nov. 5th in US and Nov. 7th in UK), in ebook format only for £1.99. I've just preordered it

So basically get this book, read it, and love it, because it's amazing and I think it is under recognised as being so.

Glow-Sperm.

Did I ever tell you the story of the glow-sperm?

On the day I passed my driving test I finally had the right to my car keys, they were mine. All mine. However, they were pretty boring looking - All I had on them was my car key, house key, school locker key and some trolley token from some organisation I don't are much for.

I mentioned to my Mum that I wanted to get a keyring or two to jazz them up a bit.

'Ooh!' She goes.

I stand in bemusement and wonderment as she rummages through her handbag and hands me an bright pink sperm-shaped keyring.

I took it from her and stared at it for a while. 'What?'

'Its a sperm keyring. I got it from some stall at a health fair I was working at and thought it was funny. Do you want it?'

Uhhh.... 'I'm OK thanks....'

So here she says: 'Are you sure? It even glows in the dark!'

What?! This was one of the most surreal moments of my life. It took me about ten minutes to persuade my Mum that it was weird to put a glow-in-the-dark sperm on your keys. That it would raise questions and that it wasn't 'cute'.

So that's that.

She then proceeded to tell me about the queue of guys at the same stall waiting for free chlamydia tests. That did make me chuckle.

Medicine.

So I went to the Hospital today.

I was referred way back in June or July for a problem I've had with my collar bone for a long time now (as in 10 years or so), and finally on tuesday they called me and said 'Hey, want an appointment on Thursday?' so I was like YES. I'd completely forgotten about the referral.

Anyway, going there I was reminded that the last time they looked at me was 2005. That's 8 years ago. This problem I have is something 'non-specific', I've had pretty much every test out there and they don't know what causes the pain or the weirdness in it, so apparently they gave up on me.

But now they're restarting the investigation and they're talking about surgery or another biopsy etc etc and it's pretty scary to be honest, but at least they're doing something now rather than letting me wallow in pain every few months.

So I guess that's good.

I'm a Brit.

There are some stereotypically 'british' activities/personality traits out there, so why not check how much of a Brit I really am? 

I found a pretty good list here, which I am going to use as a reference.

1. Queuing:

I never realised that this was a 'British' thing to do until I went to Austria and just getting to the checkout was like my first experience of a mosh pit. I don't understand what's so wrong with queuing? It's polite, and it's fair and although it's a pain in the arse sometimes its so much easier. I on't particularly want to mosh every time I want to buy a pack of gum. Or tea.

Although on several occasions I have found myself standing behind people thinking I was in a queue for something when I, in fact was not. There's then the walk of shame where people turn and wonder why you've been standing behind them for ten minutes.

I went to the Tate Modern in London last year and there was a display on, from what I remember you were supposed to look through some peep-hole and see something miraculous behind it. It was like a telescope but it was 'art'. My friends and I walked through the archway and saw this thing people were looking into and when they moved away, we went over to check it out too. Only then (while Zoe had looked and was saying 'what, I don't see anything. I don't get it'), did I notice the rather large security lady sitting on a stool glaring at us. Looking to my left, I noticed the line of people (to which I could see no end), also glaring. That, my friends, is the importance of queuing in Britain, especially where art nerds who are easily offended are involved.


2. Quiet/Shy/Reserved:

Yes, we thank drivers for waiting for us to pass even though it is our right of way anyway. Yes, we thank people for everything, and apologise at almost nothing. We do this, we're polite. So?

If I was sitting on the tube,  or a train or the bus and someone sparked up a conversation with me, I would want to run. When I'm going about my own life and some stranger decides to interrupt it by talking to me, I am going to feel awkward, and I am going to want to end the conversation as soon as possible.

This is us in a nutshell...

3. Weather:

This one first occurred to me while reading a Bill Bryson book. If there is nothing to talk about, we resort to talking about the weather. If there's an awkward silence, we talk about the weather. If it's sunny in summer or snowy in winter we like to complain about it, or express delight. Either way, we do it. And it is good.


4. Tea:

I'm not the greatest tea-fan, you know. I do get the odd hankering for a cuppa Earl Grey, but your bog-standard PG-Tips or Tetley just won't cut it in my opinion.

5. Humour:

Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but it is damn funny in Ol' Blighty. I don't think I could even socialise in a culture that doesn't have any understanding or appreciation of this beauty. Sarcasm is my only form of humour, and I'm pretty good at it - how can you live without it?

So basically I have confirmed that although I am in some ways ashamed of my Brit-ness, I am pretty much the stereotype, and actually, I'm OK with that.

Charity.

I decided that next summer, (Summer 2014), I'm going to go to Thailand for a month with a friend and look after elephants. We're then going to spend a week in Japan, and are going to come home and then go to Uni.

That's the plan!  Now I just need to come up with an amazing plan to fundraise because £4000 is quite a lot of money for the two of us to raise in less than a year, so that's happening right now.

In other charitable news...

I'm the 'charity rep' for my house at school. If you don't get houses its like Gryffindor or Slytherin in Harry Potter, only less competitive (not counting sports day, of course...). Anyway, as charity rep I have to organise fundraising events. Duh. This year's charity is #cutcakenotwrists which is a far cry from the usual hospital/cancer sort of charities we do. So that I'm happy about.

What is our first event? Music Bingo. Yep. That means I sent the entire evening downloading 45 different songs. And they're not normal songs either, oh no. They're the teachers' favourite songs, which means that I have been downloading everything from Mozart to Bastille to The Beatles. Literally.

I had to learn what a 'slow movement' in a symphony is. And I had to figure out which one that was in several hour-long pieces of music. I also listened to five different 'funny' physics parodies because Mr. Physics is too serious enough to give us his favourite songs (he has no sense of humour but his own terrible jokes).

So its safe to say my ears are currently high risk for bleeding.

The Escapades of a New Driver.

So the 8th August was the day I passed my driving test. It's been 2 weeks since then, so I thought I'd let you know how that was going.

1.  I nearly ran a group of people over on a zebra crossing (Note to self: avoid rush hours. always.)

2.  I almost pulled out on a car when overtaking on the way to Anglesey on Monday.

3.  I starting going round a roundabout but it turns out the person on the right was a lot closer to me. I got a beep which lasted about 5 seconds. I looked in my rear-view mirror and the poor angry lady was shouting and throwing her hands around. 

Woops.

Those are only a few, but probably the worst that I can remember right now.

But, hey! They're all just experiences to learn from. As long as I don't die or kill someone in the process, it's a beneficial mistake.

Right?

Sure.

Definitely.

Oh yeah, I should also mention that my car is a faded red (so, basically pink) Fiat Cinquecento. Don't know what one is? It's this:

That's it. It's the Inbetweeners' car.

I was driving around Bangor (in Wales)  in it the other day and I can't even count how many people turned and pointed, or laughed, or gawped at the car.

Did I mention it has four yellow stars stuck on the boot too? No? well yeah - it does.

Summer Boredom.

So it's summer, and summer means one thing and one thing only, for me at least: 

Boredom. 

I don't belong to the sort of family that goes on some annual unforgettable trip for several weeks to an exotic destination of which changes each year. Nope. We do the casual at home thing, and it is very very boring.

So boring, even, that I went shopping today. I bought some necessities and a couple of books and come 9pm and one of those books has been read from cover to cover.

Yeah, that kind of boredom. 

I'm not going to lie, it was a pretty good book. Very intellectually challenging and incredibly thought-provoking...

Uhh... not really, but it was worth the read! 

I also bought one of her books under the name 'Madeleine Wickham', and I started reading it but its in a different style to the others, so I didn't get very far... yet.

Every summer I tell myself that in the six weeks I have away from school, I'm going to do something productive. ne summer I was going to learn Spanish. Speak to me in Spanish and all I'll manage is 'Hola' and 'Manzana', from that Rosetta Stone advert. (That means apple, by the way). One year I was going to start and finish a colourful crochet afghan. It's now sat in a box under my bed, half finished. There's another one under there too that's still got the ball of yarn and crochet hook attached to it.

The list goes on. Funny thing is, this summer I'm actually supposed to be doing productive things, such as wider reading (about computers not fictional relationships - funnily enough), re-drafting my personal statement and researching for my EPQ, I just haven't got round to it yet.

So that's good. 

5 Things: Favourite Disney Songs

Weird post, way less serious than the last one, I know. But what's life without a little variety?

I won't be explaining these like I did in my last '5 things' post, because what is there to explain? They're songs that I like, and I like them because they either mean something to me or just have that 'moving' effect on me.

1.  You'll Be In My Heart - Tarzan

2. Colours of the Wind - Pocahontas

3. Circle of Life - The Lion King

4. Reflection - Mulan

5. Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid 

(Yeah, I saved the most pathetic one for last, but don't you just love Flounder?!)

I'm pretty sure that the one or two times I saw Anastasia there was a song that really got me, but I have no idea what it is. I'm that bored this holiday though I might watch it again (even though I can't even recite the too-long list of movies I've already watched this week alone...), and I'll let you know if I find the song.

I'm a 90's kid through-and-through, disney films were and still are my life And I don't mean those Disney Channel original movies (I didn't discover Disney Channel until I was 9 or 10), I mean the old cartoony classics. Minor weakness of mine.

What are your 5 favourite Disney songs? Or even movies?

UCAS & Uni.

Original Image here

I said in my last post that I've spent the last two days having 'lectures' and talks about university applications through the UK system UCAS. These two days mark the start of the beautiful process that is applying to university. I'm honestly enthralled at the prospect.

Although I am desperate to go to university and leave home, I am not looking forward to the process of doing so, or the rejection I know will go along with it.

Basically the two days at school get seemed pretty much pointless. I feel like I already knew most of it, and I just feel like I could have spent my time doing something much more useful, like planning for EPQ or doing independent research, rather than being forced to fill in 'course comparison' worksheets - I already have a spreadsheet comparing them all, so why do it again?

Anyways, I'm off to Aston University in Birmingham tomorrow for a higher education fair, which I am actually looking forward to, I must admit. It might help me to decide on my 5 different options for uni, because my current list is in excess of 10 potentials, which I need to narrow down, otherwise I'm going to have trouble applying.

Anyone else out there going through the same thing as me? I'm sure its just as annoying and daunting, but hey, at the end of it, we'll all get to leave home and be by ourselves for once. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to that.

Seriously.

No offence Mum.

Race for Life.

This Sunday, 30th June 2013, I am doing the Race for Life in Shrewsbury. If you haven't heard of that place its probably because not many people have. I think, like most places in Shropshire, its only famous for its landscape.

Well, I might be doing the Race for Life, except I forgot to book the day off work and guess what? I've been given a shift that day. So I'm trying to get someone to cover for me, as long as as i speak to my boss tomorrow, all should be fine. Hopefully.

There's also the issue with the lack of training I've been doing. By lack of, I mean I cannot remember how long its been since I last ran. Yeah, that long. I'm not talking years here, a few months ago I was jogging every morning like a pro (pro time-of-day-wise, not style or ability). Its been a while anyway. Reckon I can train fo a 5k in 4 days? 

Hmmm....

Anyway, if you fancy sponsoring me a little, that would be amazing. Thank you if you do, every little helps!

I guess this is the part where I tell you why I'm doing Race for Life and what my story is. 

Basically, 3 years ago my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, about this time 3 years ago she'd just started her chemotherapy in fact. It was an extremely difficult time, not only because she was ill, but because it was just her, me and my sister who was only 9 at the time, so we had to make do and try to go on with life as normal. Anyway, I'm doing Race for Life this year because a group of my friends suggested it and obviously the fight against cancer is very close to my heart, hence my contribution to the cause, and hopefully yours.

This truly is an awful disease, and the way it seems, I don't know the statistics, its just an observation, but the way it seems, cancer cases are on the rise, and although treatments and preventions are developing all the time, its just not currently quick enough; there are some people we can't yet help, but one day, hopefully, we can cure the majority of unfortunates who are diagnosed.

Cancer, we're coming to get you. 

(we includes you too if you decide to sponsor me, to do so, click this sentence.)

Interesting fact about Shrewsbury: the other thing it is famous for is that Charles Darwin was born and raised there. (yep, the Charles Darwin!)

Work Experience.

Its been a while since I last posted on here - bad Chloe, bad - but there have been several things going on and I don't have much of an excuse for having a distinct lack of internet presence, but there is a little there, I jut won't go into detail, in the hope that that makes the not-an-excuse excuse a valid excuse. Get me? Nope, didn't think so.

Anyway, as usual, I digress.

And I have the opportunity to say 'I digress' in far too many of my posts, demonstrating to me and most likely you that I have an amazing ability to ramble, go off topic and come up with nonsensical spiel.

So, I digress...

Again.

For the past two days (yes, two days, that's how pathetic my school is. Just two), I have been doing work experience at my local Council in their web & digital department. So I thought I'd blog about it.

Why not?

There isn't much to say really, because unless you're a computer nerd like me it will make net to no sense and will bore you until your eyes stream tears of blood. Yeah, that bad. I liked it though, its the kind of thing that makes most people eyes bleed that really flicks my switch (not to make me sound uber-creepy or anything... honest).

Apparently, I'd come at a really good time too, because they have just been changing platforms, so there was a lot of work to see happening, a lot to learn and a lot to be getting on with. Exciting stuff.

Again, only fellow nerds will agree. Sorry about that.

I'm quickly forgetting how this was supposed to be an interesting topic, so I might finish up about here. Although as usual, I won't, I'll carry on jibbering until I fall asleep or run out of jibber. You know I'm not joking.

The next two days are going to be filled with oh-so-fun-and-thrilling lectures (performed by my teachers, just to make them even more interesting) about applying to university through UCAS and personal statements etc etc. Oh the joy. I'm then going to a university fair on Friday which should be pretty useful actually, so even though it won't be the most exciting of days, it should help me to make the daunting decision of where to apply.

So that's my week in a nutshell.

How's yours shaping up?

The Waiting Game.

You know those situations where all you can do is 'have patience' and wait, because 'the time will come'? Yeah, well I feel like there are way too many of those going on at the moment. Par exemple:

Driving.

I've taken my theory test. I passed it. I turned 17 in September last year, however for some stupid reason that is honestly completely my fault - just procrastination I guess - I didn't start driving until the day after the world was supposed to end. December 22nd. It is now June 8th of the next year and I'm still learning; spending £40+ per lesson and being told today that it'll probably be another 2 months until I can take my practical test - just keep practising - you're not quite independent enough with it yet. Awesome. The annoying part is, that my instructor thinks I'm still too dependent, when she's not giving me the reins to be more independent, because she's still telling me exactly what to do all the time. Ermm... yeah. That's great.

Exams. 

'Ooh, you're so pathetic, its such a non-problem to have exams. Try real life.' 

Point taken, however, having taken all but one of this season's exams so far, and pretty much being sure that I've aced absolutely every one of them (sense the sarcasm there - I probably failed at least all of them.), I must say that this waiting game between May/June and late August until we find out if we may or may not be able to get into a good university etc in a year's time is a little frustrating. It's just waiting. It's out of our hands. There's nothing we can do. But Oh Dear Lord how much I wish we didn't have to wait 3 months.

Life.

Little more of an obscure one, but all you fellow adolescents out there will probably know what I'm talking about, and if you don't then maybe its just me and I'm the weirdo here.

Do you/have you ever felt bored with waiting for time to catch up with you so you can move on with your life? I'm seventeen years old, nearly 18. I'm stuck in a stupid school where I go to sixth form and I'm stuck there doing full time even though I'm only actually doing anything productive half the time. But because its a school and we're clearly 'not independent enough to be self-responsible', we have to spend all day every day in that godforsaken place.

I'm stuck living at home with my frustrating-to-fuck family. If language offends you I'm sorry. Chill out about it. Calm down. It's one word. I live in a hole of a nowhere surrounded by fields and cows and tractors. If only I could... oh, I don't know, drive, maybe I wouldn't be so bothered by it. But I am stuck here day-in-day-out doing nothing with no one, and being treated at least 3 years my junior.

It's unsettling how excited I am at the prospect of moving out this time next year, being on my own in the big wide world and being able to finally be independent. I'm independent by nature, but at this current time, I feel I'm being suppressed; forced into dependency. Just because.

If it weren't for the whole fact that I only have a part time job and don't have life savings, I would say I could probably make it on my own now. Say, if money weren't an object, I'd be out of here like a shot. There'd be a Chloe-shaped hole in the wall. Not even the door - the wall. 

Yep. That's passion.

I hope I'm not the only person to feel this way. There are so many things we're all waiting for right now, and its the anticipation and looming possibility of failure or bad news that gets us down. I remember waiting for my Mum to come home from the hospital, knowing that when she walked in the door I would find out whether or not she had cancer. She did. It was awful, but she's *fingers crossed* recovered now.

Its just the waiting game, yet whatever the end result is, when the game is over, the relief of just knowing is almost better than getting good news. Make sense?

While I'm using this post to complain about waiting, I'm talking about the things you inevitably have to wait for; when there isn't much you can do about it, although I will prove my driving instructor wrong next time I see her. Dependent my arse.

If there's something you can do to change something or make the wait quicker, do it. Don't sit around waiting for things to just happen. Isn't there that saying that's about books and how you have to turn the pages to get to the ending? Well, that applies here. Never stop turning them pages.

Seriously, don't.

5 Things I Don't Understand.

I'm a pretty opinionated person at times, and I also enjoy making lists. So here's the kickstarter for a new '5 things' series type thing. I was going to do 10 things, but that's a lot of things to think of on the spot. So here goes...

1. Why my pyjamas are always too short.

I'm a pretty short person. I'd like to say I'm 5'4" but in reality its more like 5'3". Yet, my pyjamas always hit my ankle or just above. I have tall friends. Their pyjamas fit fine, they even trail on the floor sometimes... I'm baffled.

Original found here

2. Why men give me pet names.

I am seventeen years old, and yet at work, when I'm on the till, a high proportion of the male customers over 30 refer to me as 'darling', 'chuck', 'poppet', 'sweetheart' or something similar. Why? WHY?? They don't know me, they don't give the guys pet names, and I'm not a pathetic five year old. If you're in this male over 30 quota, and yes I'm talking to you. Don't do that, it seriously pisses people off.

3. Crop tops.

Need I say more? They're all the rage right now, but when people wear them all I see is their bare midriff, which I honestly don't care to see. It isn't sexy or cute, its unnecessary. May I also add that crop tops give the insane illusion that ones breasts are far droopier than they actually are? Seriously. Throw in one of those tight turtleneck crop tops and BOOM: instant boob de-lift. And why would you wear a turtleneck to cover your chest, but then leave your stomach on full display? It doesn't make it OK.

4. 'Hipsters'.

Umm. Ok, so if I recall correctly, the 'hipster' trend was supposed to be about being unique.  Yes? I'll tell you now - it failed. Because almost everyone is wearing 'hipster' fashion right now, to the point where you throw some studs and a couple of geometric prints onto a T-shirt and ERMAHGERD it's hipster! No. No it is not. This whole not-a-trend-trend is so out of hand now, that I have to spend hours trawling the internet for clothes that aren't covered in studs, or half missing because of the 'pretty' cut-out that shows a lot too much bra, or covered in geometric/aztec/moustache prints. 

The Hipster Starter Kit.

Pay attention: Wearing the same thing as everyone else because its 'unique and individual' IS NOT UNIQUE.

5. Selfies (& Snapchat)

Too many times I've sat in the common room and watched people hold their phone in front of them and pull a duck face. In the company of people; friends! Just no. Don't do it! There are two people who sit in my 'area' of the common room, and they sit next to each other, take selfies and then snapchat them to each other. Err, need I say more? Also, snapchat to me just seems like the perfect way to send naked pictures, without worrying about them going viral. I'm pretty sure that is what it was invented for. I'm good thanks.

Discalimer: This post makes me seem like a complete traditionalist prude. I'm not, I'm cool with showing a bit of skin and sending your friends naked pictures and whatever. I won't judge. Just, do it in a normal fashion.

Studying.

For anyone my age (16, 17, 18), it's probably exam season. And what comes with exams? Revision.

It's that word on everyone's mind, and it's the one none of us wants to hear.

I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a study-free Christmas or Easter. It takes up our entire lives, but before I start ranting about our hellish education system (and I will, don't you worry), I'll just leave it at that. (Michael Gove; if that gives anyone a hint. Grr). That's all I have to say.

Are you in the midst of exams and revising at the moment? How's it going?

I would give out helpful, handy hints for revising, but I have honestly never perfected by craft. I'm a pretty inefficient studier to be perfectly frank. Feel free to share any wisdom if you have it.

Good luck in your exams if the have them, and if you don't:  

a) lucky!

b) feel for us.

'tis all.

So, I'll leave you with this picture of my common room, because I'm bored and forced to sit opposite Harry Styles' face. And yes, the collection on the ceiling is Ainsley Harriot, in case you were wondering.

Tea & Toast.

So, that isn't tea, it's coffee.

And there's no toast, its naan bread and a banana. 

But, let's face it, 'Coffee & a Naan bread & Banana' wouldn't have made the catchiest title now, would it?

Let's also just take a moment to appreciate the irony of my mug...

I digress.

Anyway, why not take a moment today, maybe its a stressful day or a boring do-nothing day or an I-should-be-doing-something-right-now day. Whatever kind of day it may be, just sit down with your tea and toast or coffee or naan bread or cereal, whichever it may be, and take 5.

That's always good, right? Just to take 5, whether your meant to be doing something or not. Refresh your mind and get ready to be productive throughout the rest of the day.

This post reads like it should have been put up in the morning, I know, but it practically is the morning for me, let's just not discuss the actual time right now...

Have a great day! And also...

'Thanks for reading this, not that anyone is.' 

- Waldo Pancake.

Judgement.

I'm a bitch.

I'm not going to lie about it, its a true fact. I enjoy sitting around, with my friends, talking about people and judging them behind their backs. 

But let's be honest, some people do just deserve it, and others don't do themselves any favours. I'm talking about the 'elite group' at school (for reference, when I say school, I mean college/sixth form. Same difference to me). 

There's four seating areas in my common room, consisting of these groups:

• Mine - we're the quiet, friendly but mildly rejected group.
• 'Elites', or populars - Think Mean Girls times 20, but not quite that mean.
• The 'I'm so hot I get all the boys and sex jokes are super cool' types.
• The unnecessarily loud, obnoxious and messy ones.

And with this much division, how can we not all bitch about the other groups? Particularly great is the fact that the latter two groups seem to consider themselves popular, when in reality, almost everyone and their mother dislikes them for something. Of course their oblivious to it. The oblivious ones are the best.

You may have sussed by now that I go to an all girls' school.

But with all of this judgyness towards the rest of the population, where does that leave me? Because if I'm judging the planet for their faults and amazing fashion 'sense' and mannerisms, are they not doing the same to me?

I honestly don't know, you tell me. Does everyone talk about everyone behind their backs, or is it just me, my friends and the girls in American teen drama? 

Point is, me being as judgemental as I am has left me with a serious knock in confidence. Its improving, but I'm somewhat introverted, and don't like to express myself too much for fear that people will see me as one of those loud, obnoxious types. I don't dress the way I want to because, where I live, it just doesn't work to look somewhat classy when everyone else is wearing shorts, crop tops and skirts that barely conceal their derrière. 

I am fully aware this may make no sense, if I'm judging people, surely its because I'm self confident. Well, yes, to some extent, I have my principles and opinions and I'm not one to follow to crowd, but I think its the intense fear of doing just that; following the crowd, which prevents me from being truly confident in myself and my actions. 

Maybe I need to start being a more accepting person. But then, what is there to talk about?

Dreams.

I'm not new to the blogging scene, I've tried my hand at it before. Problem was, obstacles such as procrastination, school and lack of time (once I'm done with procrastinating) have all stood in my way, and so each and every one of my two or three blogs have failed. they're still up, but I don't think even I know what they're called or where they are right now.

Hopefully, that will all change.

Maybe this will be a new beginning.

This blog is different. It isn't to promote an Etsy shop or a YouTube channel, or try to be some amazing fourteen year old online presence with a 'secret' life through my computer screen. None of that. This is me. Just me.

Yes, you don't know who I am. Maybe one day you will, but for now, that doesn't matter. This isn't about who I am, what my name is or what I look like, its just me. How I think, what I experience or have experienced and its about my past, present and future. Hence the name. I hope for that to be my future. A rural runaway, to get away from the life that is the countryside, surrounded by cows, farmers and nature. I want to get out, be free, to live in the city. Its something I have never experienced and I know that it is for me. One day I'll get there.

That's the dream.